I'm A Nobody

I’m A Nobody

And that’s the point!

John Paul Derryberry

After years of working in behavioral and mental health, I have heard some of the vilest comments directed at me. I feel bad for my daughters when they reach the age of trying to get under my skin with mean comments. They will say something they think is mean, and I'm going to reply, "You will have to do a lot better than that to get a reaction out of me." Yet there was one comment uttered to me in my lifetime that I don't think I will ever thoroughly shake free from its grip. I sat at a dinner table with a group of people around the time I was starting this public speaking/storytelling journey. As I unintelligently explained my goals and my dreams, a lady attending the dinner shot back at me. "You're a nobody, meaning no one will care about what you overcame." 

It stung and sent me reeling, but this is life, and we all have met people who stomped all over our aspirations. I think I summoned the courage to respond with a statement along the lines of, "If I do this right, I won't be a nobody". It was my defense mechanism kicking in. I have drifted to thinking about this comment a lot in my life. At first, it was, "I'll prove them wrong". Then, second, it was, "I wonder if I have done enough events that the person who uttered that statement would say I've done enough to be a somebody". And lastly, over the last five years, I have landed in a healthy place with that comment and, if I could take a moment of your time, this is how I would respond today. 

"You are correct, I'm a nobody, and that's the point of my adventure." Unfortunately, we have created a world where we are constantly bombarded with pictures, images, and stories of only the truly successful who have mastered their demons. Only famous people have found happiness, discovered their true calling or found a way to live with their mental health. It's placed just out of the reach of us mere, everyday mortals, the nobodies of the world. And all of that is false. It takes a bunch of nobodies like me to stand up over and over again, where ever I'm invited to tell stories, to say, "It's possible for you".

It takes a nobody to proudly proclaim, "I'm almost always happy, although there are some off days. But, everyday people are influential, needed, wonderful, and there is success at the end of our days. Because if a nobody like me can do it, so can you. It's connective tissue, sharing experiences, learning that we have more in common than we don't. It's realizing that on a planet of seven billion, there are a ton of pretty cool nobodies with fascinating stories about growth, healing, and overcoming the long odds. And hearing their stories and having it dawn on us-- they are us-- is liberating. There doesn't have to be a movie-production-style change of events to change the course of my life". 

As we enter the holiday season, being a nobody often rises to an unhealthy level in our culture. So, I write this today to get a couple of people to embrace the mantra of being a nobody. Over time, I changed from telling stories in order to become someone to, instead, trying to connect with as many people as possible. This is because I was perfectly okay with being who I was, am, and who I'm growing into becoming. But, in fact, no matter how many stories I tell, I will probably always fall into the category of being a nobody. And I want everyone to know that's the point of my stories, what I started out doing years ago. I wanted healing and life after traumatic events to be accessible. This meant realizing nothing was particularly special about my journey; anyone could walk the path I walked. And maybe just maybe a bunch of nobodies could walk that path together for a while. 

So yeah, after all these years, that statement sticks with me. It no longer stings or hurts. It's a constant reminder that I am and always will be a nobody. A Nobody who reminds as many people as possible, you too can overcome the barriers you face. I'm not unique, and you don't have to be to find the healthy life you seek. 

Happy Holidays everyone, thanks for reading my stories and listening to them when I get the chance in front of a live audience. I do love what I get to do!