They'll Just Buy Drugs With It- A Nudge To Lead With Compassion for 2022

They’ll Just Buy Drugs With It

A Nudge To Lead With Compassion For 2022

John Paul Derryberry

"Why did you give that bum a 5-dollar bill?"

"Because I had five dollars I didn't need, and he asked."

"Aren't you worried he'll spend it on drugs?"

"Maybe he buys drugs, perhaps alcohol, perhaps a cheeseburger. I had it, he needed it and perhaps a little kindness is what he needs more than your judgment."

Look, there are points in my life where I was both people in the above conversation. However, I currently find myself as the second person in the conversation. And that is where I will stay for the remainder of my life. I remember the moment I changed my thinking on this. I was sitting with a client, who was clearly distraught after a mental health breakdown, and they said to no one in particular, that they never wanted this. Instead, they muttered with as little confidence as possible, "I want to be a good person." I was hard on them during the crisis and in the moments after because their behavior irked me. But that statement-- how could one not turn their compassion back on after a statement like that!

It's through that view that I interact with those struggling with life. I do not begin with disdain, judgment, or worry that they will take my generosity and use it for drugs. In fact, I know some will, a lot less than the general public and leaders think will, but like a lot, a lot less. Yes, that 10-spot might feed their addiction, but it will also remind them that people see them as human. Also, there isn't a naivete to my actions, of thinking that my generosity of a small dollar amount will cure this person of whatever ails them. It's an admission of something more powerful, a small reminder that no 7-year-old on the planet wakes up and says: I want to be homeless; I want to be a druggie; I want to be a murderer; I want to be a bad person when I get older. That kid doesn't exist, yet here they are.

It begs the question, how did all this suffering come into existence? The uncomfortable answer is: there are more people, especially those with the power to change things, who follow the first line of thinking in the above conversation. Unfortunately, we look at those struggling as a failure of their nature rather than a failure of the society we operate in. So we disregard, dismiss, and find ways to not fund programs that could provide help. We do it under the premise that some we try to help will misuse those funds for drugs or other unhealthy stuff. We focus on the small percentage whom we probably can't help, while ignoring the large group of others who still hope they can find a path to be a good person.

Can you look through the homelessness of a person and see the kid who dreamed of being a lawyer? Can you move past their drug use and see a kid who wanted to be a ballet dancer? Can you realize your generalization of why, how, and what causes so many to suffer, is biased and probably not in line with the actual facts? Because it's worth repeating: no 7-year-old dreams of growing up, only to end up in jail. They don't, and we shouldn't operate a system that worries about the small percentage who give in to their addiction when given support. Instead, we should factor that into the cost of doing the business of providing opportunities: whether that life was derailed by a singular hurricane-force traumatic event or a million small abusive events.

We shouldn't turn our back on them, now or ever. Nor should we help to the point of needing our own help. I'm not a pie-in-the-sky guy; there should be boundaries, we should question program design and use of funds, and we should change course when presented with evidence that shows it's not working. All I'm asking is that we stop stopping ourselves from helping because a small portion will abuse the help. For example, suppose we support a program that cuts childhood poverty by 55%. In that case, it has lasting positive effects on our society, and yes, people will still be using drugs. However, that doesn't mean we didn't create a bunch of future lawyers, doctors, nurses, and teachers.

I'm asking you today for a specific reason. It's the day after Christmas and many of us are basking in the glow of fantastic new items given to us generously by our loved ones. We sit around and chat about how great that was and how wonderful it is to be healthy and surrounded by people who care for us. Can we, just for a while, carry that into the new year? We need to push our leaders and ourselves to engage in programs and policies that will give our current 7-year-olds, who are on track to remain in poverty, the chance to break that cycle.

Even though we won't be 100% successful and some will fall victim to drug use and poor choices, for once, let's lead with compassion and understanding. Let's count how many lives we can fulfill instead of how many we can stop from getting drugs. This is my slight nudge to start 2022 off with the idea that we should help and not naysay. We should look past the little reasons not to help and focus on the enormous reasons we should. Because no one ever wanted to, wants to, or desires to remain addicted, homeless, and burden others. So I suggest starting 2022 with that premise as our guiding light and seeing where we land. I've got at least 5 dollars to start the process.