Not Better Than You

Not Better Than You

John Paul Derryberry

Without fail, there is a moment in every presentation I give, with an audience member who shows that our society has made feeling better untenable. They raise their hand and ask a question like, I'm not you, so how do I do this? How do I move from this feeling to feeling better about myself emotionally, physically, and or mentally? Almost every presenter answers this question along the lines of, I was once you. But this answer fails to do anything other than place the presenter on a pedestal above the reader, the listener, or the audience member. It's a coy tactic if you are a public persona selling something like a 6-step program with corny stuff like: Make Every Day Count.

The most used answer is, and the wrong answer is: I was once you. The best and most factual answer is: I could become you again. I will struggle again at some point in my life. I hope I struggle better than I did last time, but the day will come when my mental, emotional or physical health will be challenged. I'm not in front of you presenting because I have figured it out and am, therefore, better than you. I'm up here storytelling because, at this moment in my life, I'm healthy enough to help others.

I guess that truthful a thought process doesn't sell as many t-shirts and books, though. In some respects, this is where social media and technology have taken us, with cropped and filtered photos, crafted social media images, and the appearance of a window into other lives. We compare ourselves to others; many people feel they are lacking and conclude we are not as good as others. But, in reality, we just get a peephole view of others' lives. Audience members challenge this line of thinking, and my simple reply is, yes, my anger and depression are under control and have been for years. But I, too, worry if something happens to my wife, my kids, and essential people in my support system, could I traverse that challenge without failing? I don't know. I'm not immune to struggle.

Don't get me wrong, there is a seductive side to being healthy, thinking you've got it all figured out, and feeling the world needs your knowledge. However, I always counter that the world needs knowledge from people who have nothing figured out; some of it figured out; are close to having it figured out and so on and so on. We just have enough leaders who follow that line of thinking. It takes a great deal of inward thought process to reach what you feel is a vital achievement place in your life and not strut around like you are better than other people. We've got that in spades in our culture, and it isn't producing the type of results we want. It doesn't lead to other people rising up and following. Instead, it makes other people say, it's too hard for me.

It's possible to be proud of who you have become, reach out and help other people achieve their dream, and communicate, I could lose it all, so let's not act like I'm better than you. So if you happen to be a reader or listener of my stories and talks, thank you. I hope you find comfort in them and share them. But who knows, maybe the roles will be reserved in five years. I will be looking to you for help because you have found success, and I have stumbled. So just know, if you are struggling, the thought that I'm better than you hasn't crossed my mind because I'm not and never will be. I'm just a guy trying to help others while I'm healthy enough to do it.