Regrets and still happy

Not Regretting

John Paul Derryberry

Once, while in Seattle, my wife and I spent the day finding the troll under the bridge. Once, while in Scotland, we hiked the coast of the Island of Islay and ended up seeing sea lions sleeping in the cove where we had lunch. Just recently, my family spent the afternoon hanging ornaments at their grandparents' house.  My friend and I once resupplied and dragged water up Section 13 on the Superior trail so we could camp on top with the most perfect view of the North Woods. I have not once regretted engaging with life, going off the beaten path for an adventure, or just realising that a day spent with people who care about you increases the quality of life. I think we all generally know this, but we often let life get in the way. Well, the idea of what life is supposed to be gets in the way.

After 43 years of seeing so many people, I think life will begin when I get where I’m going, forget some of us never get there. It’s a cliche, and I’m well aware this is not groundbreaking advice, but as research continues to show how unhappy so many of us are, maybe we need a lot of people to keep reminding everyone of the cliche: life is happening when we are busying chasing the life we think should happen. It’s why I think so many people have so many regrets or struggle to come to grips with where they are in life. So focused on the wrong things until they look up one day and realise so much has passed them by.

Quite possibly the biggest thing to let go of is the idea that you will have regrets about parts of your life. That’s the way it works. The question always in my mind is what type of regrets do you want to carry with you?  I know for a fact that part of my thinking is shaped around the deaths of people I loved deeply at a young age. I never felt the urge to chase a certain life, but a life because I was so scared I wouldn’t get a life at all. The other part is that I also know this type of thinking is reinforced by so many wonderful life moments. My wife and I had this conversation earlier this week about how many wonderful moments we have had in our lives, both together and separate.

Look, I know it might be easy to think so many of these moments are out of reach for people. But that is not true. My girls and I chased the northern lights one camping for $20 a night at a local spot. Or seeing the sun set or sun rise with a friend. Or once my buddy and I realised the roof at our college dormitory was left unlocked, and spent 30 minutes having a beer together on it. Or the 20-plus-year-old camping trip with the same group of friends. At some point, you realise the life with the least regrets is the one with memories of people, adventures, laughter, tears, and genuine emotions. Not manufactured stuff. My most talked bout hiking trip is the one where everything that could go wrong did. It ended with someone on the trip hoping to get a helicopter rescue from the mosquitoes.

Often, a couple of folks have asked me why I have so many great stories. I chuckle and say it’s probable because I follow only a couple of rules. If it will make a good story or memory, you should probably do it, as long as you are not going to feel long-term harsh consequences. And now added the caveat- will I stay married if I do this for the story, because my wife and girls are so important to me. It has not failed me yet, well, it has been more successful than harmful for sure. All I know is that after a day of sled riding, Christmas tree decorating, and now a second trip to the sledding hill, I won’t have any regrets about how I spent my day today. I will be happy, feel connected to loved ones, and want more moments in life. Cliche or not, we will have regrets. No way to avoid that, so we should all find a way to feel alive with the correct ones; the world would be a better place.