Just Pass Through

Just Passing Through

John Paul Derryberry

The day I turned 18, I headed to Iowa. Over two decades ago, I aimed to discover who I wanted to be and what kind of person I could become. What I didn’t know then, but do now, is how much we need others to help us find ourselves. Quickly, I found a group that helped shape the new me. We laughed, argued, partied, talked, and repeatedly challenged each other's views. Sometimes, I was sure these people would always be in my life. I called them friends for life. I believe most people share similar experiences between 18 and 25.

Yet due to circumstances outside our control, my first college closed, and almost all of us went our separate ways.  Vows to stay in touch, connected, and always be in each other's lives, wherever they may be, happened often. Yet, while there were numerous meet-ups, catching-up sessions, and incredible trips down memory lane, life eventually caught up with us, and we drifted apart. Not in a malicious way, not with anger, but simply the paths people take in life lead us to different places. Of the group that helped start my life turn around, only one remains a constant fixture in my day-to-day life.

I would tell you I needed pieces of all of the first group. I needed to explore humanity, relationships, ethics, morals, and the depth of genuine relationships. The heartbreak, joy, real, heart-warming laughter, vulnerability, and goodbyes were all necessary to progress through life. I would not be where I am today and who I am today without those interactions. Not all those relationships ended on good terms, but if I were to bump into any of them today, I would welcome another sit-down to chat about life. Time can and does heal most wounds. We were young, naive, and full of grand illusions of life, not fully knowing what it would be.

As time has passed, I have looked fondly back at these wonderful, complicated people, because I have come to understand that we are all complicated.  The truth is, we are all just passing through each other's lives. When we are lucky, we get the most time with the best people, even if sometimes we are not sure or misidentify who the correct people are, or when we meet, we are on our journey to becoming the person we are supposed to be, that is, if we are doing life correctly. At some point on my journey, I became healthy enough to understand the nature of how quickly and fragile all relationships we carry are. Just because we are passing through doesn't mean they are not meaningful. Just because the ending hurt doesn't mean it wasn't worth it. And just because we are different after the fact doesn’t mean we are not better because of it.