Pay Attention To Me

Pay Attention To Me!

John Paul Derryberry

I pull out the computer and stare at the blank screen as I prepare to write this week's Sunday Night with John blog. My daughter sings happy birthday to her stuffed animal from her crib during her "nap" time. She has learned a valuable life lesson; if she tries hard enough, she can push through being tired and have more playtime. Besides her singing, not much of my process for writing my Sunday essay has changed since I started in 2013. I go on a long run on Saturday to write my blog in my head while also allowing my brain to wander to crazy places.  Then at some point, Saturday night or Sunday nap time, I sit down to write.

Before I type my first word, I remind myself of my guiding principle: The goal isn't attention; the goal is displaying curiosity, thoughtfulness and to always remind people that I don't have all the answers.  Most importantly, start and end with compassion-- for things I don't quite understand, for viewpoints I disagree with, and for people and groups I don't really care for. Not because I will always be open to their way of thinking. Not because I will be flexible enough to allow hate, racism, sexism, and other horrible parts of our culture to occur. There is a way to accept different viewpoints and stand firm on our own beliefs. It's never a choice of one or the other.

I'd be lying if I said the pull to write more sensational pieces hasn't weighed on me over the years. It seems we are becoming a culture of listening to the loudest voice the most often-- seeking out controversy to drive content instead of content driving the conversation, even when the content might be controversial. Are we so starved for attention that we gravitate further and further to the extremes in hopes of being noticed by someone, anyone? Are we barreling towards a world where the only substance that matters is that someone is paying attention to me? My main question with everyone yelling is: who the heck can listen, let alone process the information?

Look, I'm not the guy to bemoan attention. I have built multiple intricate costumes to gain attention. Attention is a good thing, an undeniably healthy part of life. It's something we all need on varying levels of intensity and at different intervals. But attention for the sake of attention is rarely productive and oftentimes extremely unhealthy. The bar always must be raised to maintain the masses' gaze; six years ago, saying there is voter fraud is today's election was stolen. Soon we are shouting lies that we inject as facts because it's the only way to stay relevant. When the loudest, most controversial voices are the driving force, they drown out the nuanced voices, the new voices, the much-needed diversity of voices. The attention-focussed culture lacks the depth to undertake complex issues.

So while I long for a larger audience, more eyeballs on this message that I find worthy and many others have as well, I push aside the urge to write for the sake of attention. Maybe that makes me naive, maybe it forces me to never reach the heights I aspire to, maybe it means I'm just not a good enough writer to break into a larger audience. I could spend a lifetime chasing unhealthy attention; maybe I'd get it, maybe I wouldn't. Either way, I wouldn't recognize the person I had become. And no amount of attention is worth the price of waking up and asking, who have I become?