The Power Shake

The Power Shake

John Paul Derryberry

It was my first restraint of an aggressive teen in my new job as a youth counselor at the age of 24. As I went to type up the documentation that went along with taking that type of action, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I placed them back in my lap and attempted again, but the shakes returned. I took a break and ended up sitting in the hallway furthermost away from my assigned cottage. A veteran staff from another program saw me and asked me what had occurred. As I explained to him that I was recovering from my first restraint, he said, "Oh, you get used to it." I nodded in agreement, but internally I thought, I never want to get used to this. It didn't feel good to hold another person down, even if it was the correct decision to avoid a more significant act of aggression. 

This moment shaped my approach to social work and to people in general. And it changed the way I view the dynamics of power. I enjoy leading a group, moving folks toward a common goal, providing space for growth, and helping people find their place, whether in their current location or elsewhere. But there is a power dynamic to leadership that can be enticing, even intoxicating, to too many people. And it played out in the conversation between a young social worker shaking from exercising power over another human and a veteran social worker who decided to get used to it. It's a scary place to be, getting used to power. It can cause you to make decisions your younger self wouldn't recognize. 

We all know the inherent dangers of power, whether political, hiring and firing, leadership, financial, or so many other power dynamics we interact with as a society. We know because most of us have been in a position of having that power exercised over us. Some experience this more than others because, as a straight white man, I can say it hasn't occurred to me as often as other societal groups. It has happened to me from coaches and bosses. And every time, I said, if I get that power, I won't use it that way. But here I was at 24 using it that way. So the question in that hallway became how to use this responsibly. I could not, in good conscience, allow physical alterations to occur because I hated using restraints. 

I didn't have the answer- how could I? But I wanted to figure it out. Not power for wielding power but for compassion, growth, and understanding. It started simply for me with an apology. I grew enough as a social worker to apologize if a hold occurred, not for having to do the hold but for not being a good enough social worker to solve the problem before the client felt the need to become aggressive. It is a shift in realizing that no matter how much dialogue occurs between myself and my clients, the relationship will remain unbalanced. I have the power and, therefore, must carry more responsibility. And I don't think enough leaders and people in power understand this dynamic. Yet every leader I have ever interacted with talks about not repeating the mistakes of past leaders. 

I have written about failing my first audience and my first or second role as a leader. Still, there was always a desire to get better, correct it, and wield power in a way that created other people with power. You would have to poll the people who have worked for me. And also the clients I have worked with to know if I have hit the mark. It's a challenging maze to navigate. Not everyone will like you, but that is the role of a leader who can wield power; not to instill their way of thinking upon the masses but to create avenues for others to live the healthy life as they see fit. 

We miss that dearly as those in power clamor over the best way to tell others how to live. It's left us shaking on some level, which is the problem when the leaders don't understand the ramifications of their choices and weigh them carefully; it leaves the rest of us wondering why we are shaking. I sometimes leave people shaking; it's impossible as a leader to hit every mark. But as I grow, I try to do it less often than I used to. And when I found out I did, I did my best to figure out how to stop it, in a better way than- you will get used to it. I hated that feeling all those years ago and worked hard never to get used to it. The use of power shakes us; those who wield it would be wise to understand how far those shakes reverberate.