SNWJ: Reunited And It Feels So Good!

Reunited and It Feels So Good!

John Paul Derryberry 

"118," is what we yelled our first year in college together. It was the number of the room my goofball friends gathered in most days. Zach was part of this group, so Zach used to be a daily part of my life. He might have been the one who invented our game of putt-putt golf in the dorms that year; it was him or Braden. Either way, the rules were written on a pizza box. During three years of college, a friendship was born. Zach made me laugh into the wee hours of the morning numerous times, introduced me to music, and hit a game-winning shot for our intramural basketball team in the semifinal game. Some friendships stick after college and you manage to continue to see each other on a semi-consistent basis, others fade away. Life takes us in different directions, most of the time for great and amazing adventures, sometimes for not-so-good reasons. I always thought Zach would be one of those friends, until he wasn’t. 

We lost touch, only seeing each other at weddings, and there were promises of getting together but those faded. Zach was a memory. A sad one, because the only thing keeping us apart was apathy. Until a fateful phone call. Zach called me about his new girl, whom I believe I had met once. He stated he was going to marry her. I selfishly thought, great, another chance to hang with my friend for a weekend, even if he was going to be distracted by the whole getting married thing. He then threw me for a loop. He asked me to do the ceremony. I agreed, but on one condition, we hang out more so I could get to know this woman and give them the celebration they deserved. Since then I have seen Zach a whole bunch. I have my friend back. As Zach and I  embarked on a canoeing trip with our wives and another friend from the 118 days, I wanted to know what caused Zach to get  back in touch with our friend group. Maybe through this conversation, we could understand better why some friendships that we do not want to drift away do, and maybe, just perhaps, Zach is the example of how to change course and reconnect. 

John: Hello my friend. It was like dumb and dumber. Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF! What changed for you to reach out and rejoin our group? 

Zach: Sometimes in life, you become so engulfed in your own story that you can't see any room for anyone else. College was over. I was working a real job and the rest of the group had dispersed to various regions of the state. You were a long way distance-wise, and I arrogantly felt that we were on different pages of life. To say that our lives didn't fit, is a general term that I used to justify in my head my own actions. We drifted apart, not by any fault of yours, you always tried to reach out here and there, and we even tried to connect at certain times during those gray area years. Once I moved back to the Northeast corner of Iowa, I decided to make a valid attempt to join back up with some of these events and traditions that I gave up. It’s because I missed genuine friendship. Maybe out of fear that I didn’t fit anymore, I started slowly by going to  Eldora, then a bachelor party, then other things that would bring us back together. I realized with this group, much like everywhere across America, you always fit in with old friends as long as you still have pieces of who you were. 

John: That’s how it always happens. We convince ourselves of lies and just roll with it. We were not at different stages, maybe different milestones. But we were both trying to establish what our adult life would look like, and let me be the umpteenth person to admit that it is a weird transition to go through. We tend to make decisions based on what an adult would do, instead of what we should do. If I had a time machine to send back to my 23-year-old, just finished college version of John, I would offer up two pieces of advice. Do not ever think, what would an adult do? Just do what you feel is right, and shave your head two years earlier than you did, because you hung on too long. The other thing that threw me for a loop was that you asked me to perform the ceremony. Why me?

Zach: As far as the ceremony, I always was aware of what you were doing--speaking events and things of that nature. I felt personally that you had developed your style and own technique of reaching people. Some of your blog posts helped paint a picture of how far you had come in your life and career and knowing want you wanted to do with your life. After reconnecting at various events over the last 2 years, I knew that I wanted you to be the speaker at my wedding ceremony. Talking with Jacklyn we decided that we wanted our celebration to be about us and I suggested your name, and she didn't say no. 

When I called you and asked, I can honestly say that I was relieved to hear your demands of hanging out. I feel that although it seems silly to have requirements or specifications to hang out, we as people won't do it unless presented with that ultimatum. I thought it was an excellent opportunity to grow as friends again and more importantly grow as couples together because we were all basically starting out entirely new. I was excited about that prospect. 

John: That’s so cool that even though we lost touch, you read my blogs and followed my speaking. You did do my first website ever. That means a lot that, even though we were not in each other lives, you felt connected enough to keep tabs. It was an honor doing you guys ceremony. I do not get nervous speaking anymore, but when I did your ceremony, and because we were friends years back, I had the shakes. It’s tough to create a personal moment when, if you make a mistake, you ruin someone’s big day. I think I pulled off both well. 

Now it’s time to catch up on our mutual love fest. You are the only guy I know that will admit to loving horrible corny movies, like Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock in The Proposal, or lousy action flicks. Let’s come back next week and talk about the cheesy side of life. 

Zach: Let’s

We lose touch with so many people, that sometimes its tough to figure out the ones to keep in touch with. We pick wrong, or we slowly drift away because of small life decisions. One thing that has impressed me about Zach is that he is proof we can see a relationship mistake and fix it. All is not lost, and we can reconnect with old college, high school and or co-worker friends. We do not have to restrict ourselves to the ethos, “Too much time has passed”.  Zach, and I reunited, and it does feel oh, so good.