Being Right Is Suffocating Being Compassionate

Being Right Is Suffocating Being Compassionate

John Paul Derryberry

I believe I have told the story about when I fell in love with philosophy. I was sitting in class with a math major, who kept arguing there had to be one correct answer, and a professor, who kept explaining that's not the case in philosophy. Seeing how hard the math major kept trying to force one answer was comical. Their need to to be right, to know that what they were saying was correct, consumed them. They couldn't process that there was possibly more than one answer to a question, more than one conclusion to draw from the passage, or that someone's answer could be just as correct as theirs. I found that process fascinating, and it started the process of a more flexible version of John emerging, which was very much needed. 

On a larger scale than a small liberal college in Des Moines, Iowa, this process seems to be playing out all across society. And it is not as comical as it was for 22-year-old John in that classroom. The need to be right at all cost is suffocating a lot of wonderful things out of society, like learning, flexible thinking, finding common ground, relationships that cross beliefs, and compassion for people who live life differently from you. That last one seems to be tearing apart society. Because the other half of that story with the math major, is a professor who sat there and answered every question that student had. They attempted to understand the point of view of a math major and the need they had to have one answer. They weren't dismissive of that line of thinking, and did their best to show how this area of study differs from math. 

How did we end up at a place where the need to always be right trumps the understanding of others? How did we get to where our fragility around our beliefs must always be reinforced even if it destroys others? How did allowing space for those that you disagree with become the wrong thing? We are suffocating our healthy culture in the pursuit of standing on high, preaching we are right. It's painful, hurtful, but mostly sad. Sad that we cannot see the benefit of a religion that provides someone peace even if we are not religious ourselves. Sad that we have to take away safe places from minority communities where they can be themselves because we don't want to participate. Sadly we do not want to examine our own beliefs and just create a world where our beliefs are re-enforced. This path eventually takes away the best part of humanity, our compassion for others. 

That class 18 years ago started the process of softening my approach to life: to be a guy who tries to create space for people I don't understand; to be a guy who, because he sees how effective it is, tries to carry as much compassion for people, as I can on a daily basis. I cannot imagine turning back on what I witnessed, someone dying to always be right, being treated with compassion but yet being told that always being right is an impossible mission to undertake. It's a pursuit to the worst version of ourselves, to suffocate ourselves from others' views and life experiences. I don't know about you, but the best parts of my life have been experiencing people and cultures I was not familiar with. Those experiences feed my ability to hold compassion for more and more people, which has shown me, just like that philosophy class, that there are a lot more right answers, than just one answer.  And that notion is like breathing the freshest air. I no longer suffocate in my own mess!