Sunday Night With John: Care Taking the CareTakers

My fingers tremble and I get a lump my throat, when I even make an attempt to explain this concept. We all have these people in our lives-- the teachers, the nurses, the social workers, the ones who spend their days helping others. We all turn to these people in time of need. They are the dependable advice-givers. They have the softest voices, the strongest shoulders to cry on. And, they seem to pluck the perfect consoling phrases out of thin air. We take these people for granted most of the time, as they seem to have teflon skin when life's storms gather. The caretakers in our lives save the day more often than we can count, leave without asking for thanks, and convince us that we really did all the heavy lifting to get back on our feet.

The problem with being a caretaker, (and I’m fully aware of this problem because I am one of those caretakers) is that we are horrible at allowing people to take care of us. We secretly hate it when the roles are reversed and we are the ones who need consoling. We squirm. We lie. And, we avoid admitting we need help. When we look in the mirror, we identify ourselves as the helper, the person who has to keep their stuff together when everyone else is falling apart.  In our own life moments, when things fall apart, we get confused as how to navigate the difficulties. When others swoop in to save us, we say things like, “I know, I give the same advice every day at work.” “I know how to deal with this. I do this type of emotional gymnastics all the time.” And, my personal favorite, “I’ll be fine. I will figure it out on my own."

Now comes the part that is tough to admit. And, right after hitting the publish button on this blog, I might regret letting this secret out. We caretakers also need people to take care of us, no matter how much we might deny it.  We will accept the help kicking and screaming but, long after you have gone home, we will sit in our house or our office and we will be thankful, appreciative. And, we will feel refreshed that someone noticed we were struggling, that someone pushed through all our barriers to help us overcome our rough patch. We do not have teflon skin, and we are not immune to life events that shake us to our core.

Just so you know, the lifelong caretakers in your life will struggle to admit this. When you attempt to take care of them, they will scoff and rebuff your efforts to assist. It bruises our egos when someone has to save us. We momentarily lose a little bit of our identity when we need saving. Don’t worry. We will be okay and our bruised egos will heal. But, knowing we are going to get help when we need it is more important than we will admit.  The only advice I can give you is: never forget that even our heroes need saving from time to time. Good luck. Do not give up. Remember, sometimes those caretakers are going to need someone to take care of them.