Sunday Night With John: Changed Gears In 2014

There was one event in 2014 that brought me back to being a nervous middle-schooler worried that my secret crush might find out my feelings. It wasn’t getting married, as that day was the best day of my life. It wasn’t switching jobs, which did throw me for a loop for about three weeks. But I recovered from my professional change and found my grove with new co-workers. It wasn’t studying for the GRE test for which I had to dust off old studying habits and re-learn forgotten concepts. What is was, the thing that through me for a loop was literally changing gears in a car. I had never learned how to drive a manual car and to much to my despair, Anne drives a manual and with it’s superior gas mileage we decided to drive it 24 hours across the US and Canada. 

I spent the first couple of months avoiding any and all training lessons on learning how to operate Anne’s car. I was dreading the process of mastering a new skill. I knew it would be a long process that I would fail, and fail often. I would look stupid, and I didn’t want to look stupid in front of Anne. I never want to look stupid in front of people I love. The first time in the seat I fumbled through learning to move both feet while driving. I began to sweat through my clothes and my heart pumped faster. I was hoping dearly to be a natural at this but I quickly proved that I was below a novice.

After a couple of lessons I thought I was getting the hang of it. I was able to drive home after a practice lesson. Plus the number of gasps from Anne had reduced exponentially. I become overconfident and offered to drive home from an outing with a close friend in the car. I bombed and the lovely familiar feeling of being not good enough crept in. Anger popped up almost automatically as I thought it’s completely stupid that we are still selling and buying manual cars. Anne could sense my frustration and attempted to sooth my bruised ego.

I hadn’t felt this type of nerves, worry, and uncertainty for a long time. I was reminded just how comfortable we can get with our lives. I remember that while learning something new can be frustrating, it’s also a wonderful feeling when you get it. When I did manage to maneuver the car home from a trip I felt better. I did enough driving on our honeymoon to give Anne a good break. I even managed driving around the city of Calgary but almost pulled the steering wheel off with anxiety and nerves. Anne and I laugh about still to this day.

This Christmas, I managed the drive home from Mason City, Anne’s hometown all by myself. I still get nervous in town, and I still haven’t completely mastered driving manual.  I drove a friend through town last night he chuckled at my nerves at stoplights.  At the end of 2014 I have added a skill to my repertoire, albeit one I don’t completely trust myself with yet.

It’s good to be nervous, it’s good to struggle with skills, and it’s good to have to learn. My dad used to always have a saying, “No one stays the same, you are either getting better or worse,” I got a lot better in 2014 in a number of areas. After my car experience I will pick something else I don’t know how to do and attempt to learn it in 2015.  Maybe I will take a dance class with Anne, maybe learn sign language, or maybe I’ll learn how to sing. Just kidding about signing I will never be able to carry a tune. It doesn’t make any sense to not learn and keep improving your gears.

Enjoy the last bit of your 2014.  See you in 2015.