Sunday Night With John: I Am Not Complete

            I was sauntering across campus as a college junior in Des Moines, Iowa about 5 minutes late for my ancient philosophy class. I was always late that time in my life and not much as improved since then. It was nice fall day and anyone who chooses to wastes a fall day sitting in class has never made sense to me. I entered the building and up the stairs to my class that was already in session. As I crossed the threshold of the door to enter, the professor new to campus, stopped teaching. “Mr. Derryberry, I presume,” he stated as he peered at me in a way that made me sheepish for arriving late. It had been a long time since a person of authority made my heart rake quicken.

            “Yes, I’m Mr. Derryberry,” I responded. “Good, I was informed you go your own pace. I don’t care if you show up late to my class, but if you do, you sit up front.” The suspenders wearing professor had now peaked my interest. I nodded in agreement and found my seat all alone in the front row. I hadn’t dipped my toe into the philosophy and religion world yet but this first taste was already exciting.

                  The professor carried on with a Socrates quote. “I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think.”  He then stated that this would be his mission as a professor. He felt it was his job to make us think.  I was immediately hooked.  I was given cart blanche to do what my mind has always wanted to do: to think, to wander, and to explore.

            I went home that night and read through the first reading for my class, and I came across the quote, “Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and weak minds discuss people.”- Socrates. I was blown away as this statement rolled around in my head. I immediately began to question a lot of my interactions with others. A passion for thoughtful contemplation on how we interact with each other was ignited and I went to bed realizing I was incomplete.  

           The next quote that became a bullet point through my flimsy life mottos was, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” -Socrates.  I have battled this notion for a lot of my life.  The confidence knowing that I can accomplish what I set out to achieve vs. the notion that I don’t necessarily have enough knowledge at the time to figure it all out. It often leaves many of us stalling to begin to work toward our goals because in reality we are all incomplete, masquerading as complete. It’s a scary notion to say out loud: “I am incomplete.” It causes an emotional reaction that many of us avoid, me included.

            I battle my stubbornness everyday to push myself to gain a better emotional understanding of myself. I continue to educate myself on how to reach clients and audiences at a higher level. Some days I side with my over confidence and say, “Nah I’m good,” and other days I tap into my doubt, “I’ll never reach my goals.”  Finding that right balance to just say, “I’m doing good things, but I’m still incomplete and I’m not finished yet.”

             I will forge ahead knowing that I will at times stall out of fear. That my over confidence will make me miss an important lesson, or that my doubt will creep up again. But I will also know that I’m open to gaining knowledge, receiving help, that I will think for myself, and I will continue the journey to become complete. I’m a lot closer now than I was sitting in that college classroom, but I’ve still got a long way to go.