Sunday Night With John: You've Got A Friend In Me

It was the first talk in a while where I learned more from the audience than they learned from me. I was presenting at the Islamic Center of Cedar Rapids, my first time speaking with this religious population. We arrived at 6:00pm and immersed ourselves into their culture before my presentation. As we chatted, I talked with a young man attending college to become an engineer, another contemplating a career switch, and two parents talking about the basketball tournament their child played in early that day. The normal everyday stuff we all deal with.

I will admit to knowing only the surface level of the the religion of Islam and less about the people who are practitioners of the religion. I wanted to do this talk, not to just share my message, but to learn and grow as a person. As the night unfolded, the emotion of anger boiled to the surface as we entered into the question and answer portion of my talk. The tough questions came, why are we looked at sideways in the grocery store is it my race, my religion or both?  How do we show we are not interested in violence and it goes against our religious teachings? How do we cross cultural barriers and become apart of America.  You know,  the easy questions of humanity to answers. They asked as grown men, as parents, as professionals, and as people. They asked holding back tears and anger. They asked because they are searching for answers to questions the world as of them, not questions they have of themselves. And, while we didn’t solve the world's problems in my 60-minute presentation and nearly 30-minute q & a session. We did cover the ground that separated us: me, a 34-year-old white male, and a congregation of Muslim men and women.  We had a better understanding that our anger, our joy, our fears are the same, we were no longer different but the people from different backgrounds sharing a safe place. 

This is what they taught me.

We are not just what we disagree on. We are not what we do not understand about each other. We are the common ground between us. We are the emotional connective tissue of knowing what it’s like to love your spouse, knowing  how it feels to laugh and exude happiness with a friend. We are connected by our sadness, when we lose the ones we love, and by our anger when we are isolated and discarded as lesser by others. Religion, culture, and race do not exclude us from emotional pain, isolation, and needing others.

This event showed me the power my message  and more importantly shared emotions have to cross cultural barriers. It showed me just how much I have to learn about compassion, about reaching out, and becoming a friend to those who need someone to stand with them. I have many great qualities that makes a good friend: I have a good sense of humor, I have a good set of  morals, I’m a wonderful listeners, I’m compassionate, and have a depth of desire to assist others. I, however, know that as your friend I cannot solve the world's problems for you, nor do I think you ever wanted that. All that I can offer is that I will be there for you, I will change the way I think about the social acceptance battle you face on a daily basis. Lastly to the wonderful people I meet that night the best thing I can let you know is that,  you’ve got a friend in me.