Sunday Night With John: Uncomfortable

We all try to avoid being uncomfortable at all costs. Being uncomfortable can lead to embarrassment. It can lead to failure. And, it can lead to a retreat from the moment, from ourselves and from others. But, I have learned that exposing myself to uncomfortable situations can lead to a more satisfying life.

My first confrontation with discomfort came when the turtleneck fad hit my hometown. I was in the first or second grade when my mom, caught up in the craze, went shopping and came home with a purple turtleneck for me to wear to church.  Sure enough, the next Sunday, dressed in my uncomfortable turtleneck, I sat in a pew,  squirming in my seat, as the feeling of not being able to breathe overcame me. Sweat started to pour out of every pore, and, for the first time in my life I was completely and utterly uncomfortable.

I still get flashbacks to the purple turtleneck, and the buildup of sweat floods back, every time I sit down to write a blog. Writing is not my natural, best, or most fluid mode of communication. I’m a talker. I'm pretty sure it’s in my genes, as most of my family’s best communication style is verbal.  It’s almost like the connections in my brain are a four-lane superhighway when it comes to public presentations, and an over grown hiking trail when it comes to writing. All the same thoughts are there, but when I talk they flow freely and when I sit down to type out a blog they get all jammed up. It begs the question, "why do I metaphorically put on that stupid, out-of-style, constricting-my-breathing turtleneck every week and attempt to type out a blog?".  

The answer to that question is that the only real growth we make as humans is when we place ourselves in uncomfortable situations and figure out a way to survive. If we problem-solve, evolve and grow, we can learn how to thrive in those situations. We can alter who we are forever. The only problem is, we revolt at the slightest discomfort,  retreat to our comfy world and then act as if we accomplished something. The struggle I have every week to put out a blog worthy of your time, is real. Some weeks I accomplish that goal. Some weeks I fall well short. And, some weeks, everything falls into place and my thoughts flow through my hands just as they do from my mouth when I present.  Writing every week makes my presentations better. It focuses my brain, thoughts and emotions to attempt an accomplishment without the aid of natural talent. Just last week, I flawlessly  presented an idea pitch to a company. I only prepped what I was going to say for five minutes because, for me, communicating verbally flows like the smoothest ride down a river you’ve ever had.

I have used this philosophy of needing to be uncomfortable in my talks. It’s why I focus on emotions because our culture does not place a premium on being comfortable about our emotions. As my talk begins, and I say I’m talking about emotional health, I witness the tightening of the people in the room as if they all are wearing my first-grade, purple turtleneck. As the talk moves forward, at first, there is nervous laughter. Then the laughter changes. Now, the people are not holding back their laughter about emotions.  Finally, there is the deep breath. I see a giant wave of relief wash over their faces as they become comfortable in a emotionally-charged place. The worst, most uncomfortable emotional pain no longer constricts their lives. They can wear it comfortably, maybe for the first time ever.

I will boldly continue my weekly trip to my uncomfortable writing zone. It makes me a  better speaker and a person who can help ease the emotional discomfort you experience whenever we cross paths.