Who Am I?

Who Am I?

John Derryberry

The most challenging question with the broadest array of answers is asking ourselves, who am I? We ask ourselves this question over and over again through our ever-evolving lives. What humans alive haven't asked themselves that question? Rich, poor, famous, infamous, unrecognizable, recognizable have all battled this deeply internal quandary. The powerful, the weak, the religious, the non-believers have all uttered the inquiry to themselves, to people they love, professionals, and strangers, who am I?  It's a part of the experience of being human, and ultimately part of being aware that our existence will end one day. 

There are numerous ways to frame this question, from the super-anxious way of over-analyzing even the smallest missteps to decide that you are the worst person alive, to the super dismissive way of saying, it is what it is, crowd. They take very little stock of their own actions, to wash their hands of any critical judgment of themselves. The super forgetful of the wrong stuff they have done crowd always answers with, I'm a wonderful person. When you point out that they may be responsible for the deaths of thousands of people, they change the subject. That's the problem with this question because we don't want others to challenge our findings. After all, it's such a vulnerable question. It would mean admitting we are flawed and no one likes that feeling, even those who openly admit they are defective. 

But this is where we sit today, on the cusp of a big decision-- deciding whom to cast our vote for. This is the ultimate who am I moment. We project our thoughts about who we are on those whom we elect. Am I a person that supports separating kids from their parents because they crossed a border? Am I in favor of childhood trauma? Am I a person who thinks a man going to Catholic mass for years is a sign of someone faking being religious?  Am I a person who believes a person who rarely steps into a church is God's candidate? Am I so entranced in supporting police I cannot see the racism that occurs within the justice system? Am I so concerned about the economy that I cannot see other parts of society? 

Answering this question is never easy, never fun if you answer it honestly. It changes as we age, sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes for the wrong reasons. It changes as we experience a different phase of life. It morphs when we allow other people into our life. The answer again evolves as various social situations challenge what we thought of the world and, really, what we thought of ourselves. Sometimes the answer clears our thoughts; most of the time, it muddies the waters. 

This week's outcome will clear up a lot about American culture and who we are as a nation. It won't make it any easier for some of us to look in the mirror and be okay with the answer we come up with to, who am I? It's the most critical question we have to answer because it informs every choice we make. Knowing who I am, pushes other decisions. Learning when to adjust who I am, adjusts other choices. Knowing when I'm answering this question wrong, changes other decisions. Good luck answering what may be the essential question; please respond before you vote because we all vote based on who we think we are. The best we can do is realize that who we think we are, and who we ought to be, are two different people.