Where I From- Who I Am

Where I From- Who I Am

John Paul Derryberry

About a week ago, in a meeting, I was asked where I'm from and who am I? These are simple enough questions we get asked all the time, often we answer quickly without much thought. Yet we may not realize how closely tied together those two questions are. Because without realizing it, who we are is drastically shaped by where we are from. But we often get it wrong, the first question that is. We screw up where are you from all the time.

I was in Ohio visiting family as my niece was graduating high school. As we rolled into the northeastern part of the state that I called home for 18 years, my little girls were tired of the car but excited to reach their grandma's house for the first time in 3 years. I had arranged a quick detour to the blinking light town of North Bloomfield, Ohio. It's nestled between my hometown of Orwell, Ohio, and my Dad's childhood home of Bristol, Ohio. It is where my father's ashes are buried.

We pulled into the cemetery on a picture-perfect summer day. When the car door swung open, church bells rang in the distance, it was the cherry on top of this moment. It had been years since my last visit. The white paint on the sailboat on my Dad's tombstone has been chipped away. It was still good to feel his presence with my daughters for the first time. They quickly wanted to leave as little ones often do, yet I desired linger with my Dad so maybe he could feel the sense of the second question: who am I? A husband, a father, a social worker, a story teller, a son, a brother and so much more.

The moment my Dad died is the correct answer to where I am from. It was a moment in time that changed the trajectory of my life at 14. Moments change us, always have and always will. For some, it is a tragic event; for some, it is more mundane. Some of us were in control during the moment. Others had the moment to teach us how little of the world we control. Some of us had this happen before we could form memories. Others had a horrible moment taint many memories. Some moments had us seeking shelter from anything bad ever happening again. Yet some of us had the moment send us out into the world to seek a new place. But regardless of where, at what age, when, and the exact details of the moment: we all have a moment or many moments that we know we are from. It's never really a place, but a time in our lives we hail from.

My family snapped some pictures, and I whispered thanks for everything, Dad. Then, we pulled away, and I said to my wife- wonder who I call to get that sailboat repainted. He deserves his sailboat to be sparkling white. She ignored the fluff question, ensured her husband was okay, and asked, "How are you doing?" I'm good," I replied. "My Dad was a good man, and I am too." This is where I am from a tragic moment and who I am is someone trying to help people navigate away from their tragic moments the best I can. Not perfectly, not with any surefire method to a better place, but by leading with compassion for where they are from and who they are. Also as I move further away from where I was, the ideals of compassion and constant curiosity have formed the core of who I am. It's an excellent place to be. My Dad would have liked it. More importantly, the people I'm helping seem to like it too.