SNWJ: The Beautiful Mess Series: Never Been Kissed
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Never Been Kissed
John Paul Derryberry
The Beautiful Mess Series: Not everyone beats cancer but we rightfully celebrate the fact that everyone fights the diagnosis. Not everyone wins their battle with mental health, but we only praise the people who overcome. This series examines why we need to change this view of mental health.
Remember we are using the pronoun “They” in these blog in an effort to shield revealing details about the people I’m writing about.
The Introduction blog http://jpderryberry.com/blog/mess
Story 1: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/themariojumper
Story 2: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/the-escape-artist
Story 3: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/theoldtownbully
Never Been Kissed
They were a 33-year-old dependent adult with depression, or at least that's what everybody in their life said. They loved football, family, movies, and the idea of a significant other. The order depended on the day. They were kind, loving, funny in one breath and then would fire staff in the next breath with a verbal assault rarely seen in our program. One day the longing for independence from their family would control every aspect of their life. The next day they admitted they couldn't function without the people they loved.
They were caught where many people needing services find themselves: between the people they love, their personal freedom and identity, and creating a perfect balance between the two. Not unlike every human being breathing. We all ask our selves where do "I" begin and where do "we" stop, and can I balance all that I love in the process. In a session of their support team, they admitted to being lonely a majority of the time. They communicated that they wanted to engage in a real relationship and even participate in sexual activities if the relationship progressed far enough.
The support team gasped, explaining that they did not understand the ramifications of relationships that intertwined. They could not comprehend a connection on that level. The individual interupted the meeting and stated, "I may not, but who does?" The professionals, the college-educated people in the room fell silent. This individual was right, everyone in this room has had a relationship fall apart for a reason they do not understand. Everyone in the room struggles to comprehend a connection as powerful as love and as physical as sexual touch.
The request for education on relationships and sexual intercourse was denied by their team. They returned home recovering from another life rejection. The team listed the usual suspect reasons why they wouldn't comprehend the severity of their actions. The support people weren't wrong in their assumptions. They just weren't allowing a human to discover what might fulfill their life. Because this client struggled with processing skills and suffered a mental illness, the professionals thought they had stopped a mess from occurring. The professionals weren't wrong in their assessment, but they were probably misguided.
The individual sat in their room and cried. They confided in staff, "to kiss someone that I'm not related to, to feel the rush of knowing someone digs me is what I'm looking for." It was then that the staff realized they had missed the beauty of this person who does need extended support. This individual wanted to live the same experiences as every other human. This person knew the beauty of life, and the mess we make in relationships, but believed that the risk of hurt feelings is worth it. We all need to know we are wanted by someone who got to know us and decided we were worthy of their affection. There is beauty in almost every kiss shared between lovers, and this individual reminded staff of this fact. They continued their chase to be connected, to feel wanted, to find their place in the world in the arms of another. They understood beauty of the risk for love while the professionals forgot.