SNWJ: Believers, Non Believers and Everyone In-between

Believers, Non Believers, and Everyone In-Between

John Paul Derryberry

There is this question I get asked often. I found it odd at first, but through my travels, the puzzle pieces fit together perfectly. I speak in any venue I get invited into: churches, schools, mosques, universities, rehabilitation centers, and conferences. The question is a coin, meaning, depending on the venue, I get asked the same inquiry. Just, sometimes, it's the tail side of the coin. 

"John, I see you spoke at a school last week. I thought you were a faith-driven speaker?" 

"John, I see you were at a  church last week. I thought you were a non-faith-driven speaker?"

My reply is always that mental health ignores all boundaries. Tragic moments happen to everyone, and when the world tells us to separate, I tend to think we should come together. 

The answer as to why, starts simply enough, a boy's relationship with his mom. My mom's faith saved my life. If you have heard my talk, you know I was less than stellar to my mom in the years following the death of my father. What you do not know is her story. Mom's faith did not waver then, and I doubt it rarely does today.  As I struggled to find my bearings after my father's death, as depression and suicide whirled around me, she remained committed to what she knew.  We fought, she forgave me. I yelled, she prayed. I threatened, she called for back up and then prayed.  I slowly turned my life around as she was my anchor in a dark time, and her anchor was her faith. 

People have a right to be upset at faith. It has been used by people in power to do horrible things in the name of race, sexuality, God. But that is not the faith I know. I know my mom's.  I will stand up to people who use faith in unspeakable manners to further agendas not sanctioned by any religion, but I will not shame faith. It has power in this world, great power. I hope one day it's fully harnessed to change the world for the better, just as it is described in the religious texts.  I proudly speak in places of worship due to its potential energy to change people's lives for the better. My mom's faith saved me, and I hope her trust in me saves members of my audiences who struggle. 

If my mom's faith changed my life, my best friend from college's moral compass set me on course. We met through him poking fun at me and what transpired was late night conversations about what is right and wrong with the world, and how to conduct ourselves. He was not a man of faith but of high moral character. A sense of right and wrong minus the religious background. Just because my mom's faith saved me, didn't mean I fully understood what do with life. Our conversations shaped my thoughts about what I had traversed in dealing with death at such a young age. His character and friendship took the negative feelings about my young life and peeled away the hate I had for life.  

A moral compass doesn't occur just in religious texts. There are smart, compassionate people making the world a better place, just because it's the human thing to do. No rule has kindness solely ordained from a God. We can shape our world around us, and make the burdens of others less, just because we want to. My biggest take-away in 2018 is that compassion is easily translated in every language because it's in how we interact with others.  

My perspective has grown and evolved. As I meet LGBTQ people, I adjust my messaging.  After my talk at the Mosque in Cedar Rapids, my knowledge increased and inclusion expanded. With every speech I give, there is an interaction that makes me better. As we see our culture demanding tribal thinking and pitting one person against another, we need to know the values of as many people as possible, believers, non-believers, and everyone in between. 

So I'll talk anywhere, with almost everyone. My life has been shaped by many people from many backgrounds so, doing it any other way would be a lie. We are not tribes: disease, mental health, and tragic moments do not discriminate. I'll keep going everywhere I'm asked in 2019 because a believer saved me, a nonbeliever constructed my moral compass, and everyone in-between made me better. 

Happy holidays, enjoy your family. If you are working, thank you for your service on the holidays. (Just so you know, I'm putting in a half day on Christmas Eve with the families in my program). If you do not celebrate these two holidays, I hope the holidays you celebrate at this time of year went terrific.

Take care, and, as always, thanks for reading in a world were a lot of people do not read anymore.