Sunday Night With John: In Alta I Trust.

The life long quest to always better yourself emotionally can take some brutal detours. We all have weaknesses and moments where we look into the mirror and question who we are, our motives, and our ability to achieve our dreams. Doubts creep in during moments of change, stress and failure.  My doubts creep in and then shout in anger.  I fail to communicate how I feel correctly to my loved ones, and often come across as distant. It’s something I have battled for as long as I can remember. I have worked really hard to understand the source of my anger and how it affects my relationships.  It’s not easy being completely aware of your greatest weakness, doesn’t mean we can avoid it.  And for me, there are times, although few and far between that they get the best of me.

When these doubts and emotional weak moments seep into my head, I have to remind myself that loved ones see good in me.  Anne’s Grandma Alta said to Anne that she was so happy she was marrying a down to earth good guy.  I don’t think there is a better compliment out there than; he’s a good guy. It’s a compliment that I believe means, I work hard, I care for others, and that my intentions are good.  Alta lived through The Great Depression; married a man that served in World War II who everyone says was a great man. She raised a son, Jay Hansen that I have yet to find a single person utter a bad word about.  At 89 years of age she still walks 3 miles a day, and when we were doing yard work for the wedding she showed up with a rake to help.  I hope I have half of her energy at age 89. She dotes on her kids, saving every article about her son Jay’s agency, which he leads, written in the local paper. She tells Anne all the time she is beautiful and when Anne sings in choir she tells her voice is so good she can hear it over everyone else’s.  Alta calling me a good man is a one of a kind compliment through and through.

When our weaknesses show up, we have so many people’s input going through our heads. When’s it’s bad all those negative things that we have done and all the poor things people have said about us can play on repeat. It crushes our self-esteem, and buries our identity to where the only thing we believe is the worst about ourselves. Or we can train ourselves to have all the compliments running on loop that builds up our confidence to fix things, to remind us that we aren’t just our weaknesses, and to inspire us to live up to those wonderful things our loved ones have said about us.

Alta thinks and feels I’m a good man. I hope I’m up for the task of proving her correct. I do know that I will have that comment playing on loop.  Because when I struggle, I want someone with Alta’s history and character lifting me up.