SNWJ: The Beautiful Mess Series: The Mess That is Me
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The Mess That Is Me
John Paul Derryberry
The Beautiful Mess Series: Not everyone beats cancer, but we rightfully celebrate the fact that everyone fights the diagnosis. Not everyone wins their battle with mental health, but we only praise the people who overcome. This series examines why we need to change this view of mental health.
Remember we are using the pronoun “They” in these blogs to avoid revealing details about the people I’m writing about.
The Introduction blog http://jpderryberry.com/blog/mess
Story 1: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/themariojumper
Story 2: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/the-escape-artist
Story 3: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/theoldtownbully
Story 4: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/neverbeenkissed
Story 5: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/ithreup
Story 6: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/dontknowme
Story 7: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/madeforwalking
Story 8: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/youre-telling-me-theres-a-chance
The last entry in the Beautiful Mess series is about my mess, and how we really all have messes from time to time. None of that should stop up from moving forward toward our goals!
Enjoy-
We like to think that those who stand in the front of the rebellion have their stuff together. And, make no mistake about it, I want to stand at the front of an emotional rebellion. We need to engage our culture in making our society more inclusive, more safe, and better equipped to address our rampant and growing inequality across the board. But I'm not without mess and I'm not without room for improvement. Therein lies the problem in so many attempts to hold us to this standard, a standard people apply to everyone. "How dare you lead the charge when you don't even have your own stuff together?"
We've examined stories of those struggling with disabilities, mental health issues, and emotional strife, and seen the beauty they add to the world. We've seen how the job of helping people with these issues affects staff and their interactions with the world. They don't give up. They are surprised by their clients and they struggle with self-care. At my panel discussion last week, a fellow panel member responded beautifully to a question about what's it's like to be in the care field. She said, "I'm doing my best to make sure my personal mess doesn't interfere with my individual's mess."
What a line! What a view into our world, even if we're not a caregiver. We all are trying to make sure our mess doesn't spill into someone else's life. The problem is, we all attempt to act like we don't have a mess in our lives currently. Which, at any given moment in our lives, can only be true roughly five percent of the time. Think about your own experience. How many moments have you genuinely been sitting around thinking, "nothing is going sideways on me right now. Nothing is causing me to worry. I have zero stress." It just doesn't happen.
Last week, I had two speaking events, my responsibilities at work, spending time with my new daughters, making sure the best dog in the whole world didn't feel jaded, being a good husband, and being sure I did not break my moral code. It's freaking hard to juggle all that, and that is the condensed version of where everything is right now. I'm continually asking myself; am I being a good enough husband/father/son/social-worker/storyteller/friend. How we handle our load is in our wiring, and I'm lucky that I do not struggle with anxiety the way others in my orbit do.
This is my mess, and I will own it. I will not give currency to the notion that I shouldn't be leading the rebellion. Because all these years of telling stories and helping so many others find and tell their stories, reassures me that this is the beautiful mess I want to acknowledge. It's lovely to have two daughters so close in age, makes for a great story. It was joyful talking with students and professionals twice last week about storytelling and changing the world. And, forcing myself to take my dog to his favorite run spot on Thursday reminded me that running through the mud is smile producing.
Life is messy, and it is always going to be. I'm a mess, and I'm still going to be. The funny thing is, after all these years of helping people understand their confusion, I enjoy it so much more. I don't expect things to be perfect, and I know the downs will make the highs feel even higher. Just when you relax and say, everything is solid, life throws a blizzard at you.
But I always thought there was something beautiful about snow dumping from the skies. Just like I know that there is never-ending beauty coming from our messes, our glorious messes.