Dear Little Ladies; You Do Not Have to Be Loud
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Dear Little Ladies: You Do Not Have to Be Loud
John Paul Derryberry
Dear Millie and Greta,
Oh man, girls, what a year. Millie made it to the diving well for swim lessons before reaching age 7. Greta, you discovered magic tricks. You both grew into your personalities this year. We learned how to play chess, making your grandpa Derryberry proud. He loved talking to me about thinking three to four moves ahead. It's my best skill. It's a great life skill, and chess teaches that better than any game I know. This year has been jam-packed with loud and fun moments from acting classes, superhero antics, and trips to the comic book store with lunch at Lorado's. So this year's lesson is about how you do not have to be loud to be seen, heard, and make an impact on the world around you.
Your dad is loud, has been for a long time. Since turning 15, I transformed from a shy kid to a loud one. Most of that transition started to cover my grief from my father's death. I was uncomfortable having people know what was happening in my head and heart. It was not pretty, I did not understand it, and I was rather embarrassed by it. Every human has to tackle this problem at some point in life. We all must learn how to express our thoughts and feelings authentically, truthfully, and genuinely.
Becoming loud wasn't all bad; I learned I was comfortable being loud. Much more in my element and authentically me, talking, socializing, being the center of attention, than I was the sky kid on the side. Our problem as a society is that we somehow equate being loud with being right, even though I'm loud, I'm not always right. Heck, we have sections in book stores framed around how to turn quiet leaders into louder ones. I'm here today to tell you, you do not have to do that to be effective. You also do not have to look far for an example of the best way to get things done through quiet actions.
Your grandpa Jay is quiet. Yet he built one of the best non-profits in Iowa by being softer than other leaders, through actions that spoke louder than words ever could. He has a great joke about me, how I never turn down the chance at a microphone, and it's funny because he is correct. I have never seen him accept the microphone when offered, yet he is seen as a fantastic leader. If you run into past clients or employees of your grandpa, their faces glow, explaining their interactions with him. Not an excitement glow, a peaceful glow. Almost as if his calming presence gave them the space to slow down and heal.
Your mom's style is similar. She whispers but always works toward a better place for her students and community. If you ask her, she will tell you she learned it from her father, your grandpa. It's effective, and you should never let anyone tell you otherwise. The world is noisy, and quiet people are needed to show us that it doesn't have to be. Quiet leaders have the uncanny ability to lower the noise around us all. It's a calming experience to have someone turn down the volume on your pain. Your grandpa's life work shows us we do not have to be loud to change ourselves, our community, and the world around us. You can do it through a whisper, actions, and the idea that sometimes softness is greater than loudness.
Love,
You're loud, but a guy who knows we need quiet people too, Dad
https://jpderryberry.com/blog/dear-little-ladies-make-space-for-others
https://jpderryberry.com/blog/curiosaboutoysters
https://jpderryberry.com/blog/gothelongway
https://jpderryberry.com/blog/dear-my-little-ladies-stand-on-your-own-two-feet