Dear Little Ladies- Chase Love and Compassion
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Dear Little Ladies, Chase Love and Compassion
John Paul Derryberry
Dear Millie and Greta,
For the first time in over 12 years, I gave myself a long break. I took two months off from writing Sunday Night with John. I needed space in my week to not think, not process, and unwind. Please understand, girls, it’s an extreme privilege to have people read my words every week, and it’s also a privilege to be able to stop doing something. Taking a weekly break from writing relieved the pressure I felt, week in and week out, for 12 years, to come up with something worthy of this space. You might be reading this and wondering why, if it relieved the pressure, I’m back to it.
It’s a good question to ponder. At the pace world leaders make us live now, we should ask ourselves more often: what do we value, what are we spending our time on, and how do we want to spend that time? I have been thinking about this a lot during my 60-day break from offering advice to my readers, and after talking to my family, my friends, and myself about the advice I needed it was time to return. But to answer your question, why am I back? Well, the simple answer is love and compassion.
Lots of people will chime in during your life about what you should chase, and there are many worthy things to chase in life. I realized during this break that the pull to come back to the writing space was you. With my love for you and your mom, my compassion toward others, and the compassion I try to use with myself for not being perfect, I wanted to keep writing. Let me explain it a little more. I miss my dad and would love to read or hear his words of wisdom from time to time; actually, they would have been helpful over the last couple of months. And my love for you two means that if I write this letter to you every year for the rest of my life, you will have my words, and maybe when you need me long after I’m gone, you can give yourself the compassion you need when I’m not there to give it to you.
People need compassion; we all need folks, after we screw up, to say, write, or message, “I forgive you; no one is perfect, and we will figure out next steps.” We need folks not to become jaded by life's harshness; compassion does that. We need people to chase what and who they love within some semblance of reason. Meaning, do not destroy yourself for love, but be willing to suffer some for it. The Buddhist’s had it right—life is suffering, and some of the best stuff in life is just beyond the suffering we avoid. It’s just easier to bear the suffering with love and compassion along for the ride.
While not everyone and everything I chased out of love ended with joy, I have never once regretted chasing it. Basketball, writing, storytelling, friends, relationships, my career, and my family have all been central because they were who or what I loved at that time. Every time I examine those experiences, I come alive with hope and joy all over again. Even mom and I, starting our family, were a love-filled chase marked by suffering, but never short on compassion for each other. And at the end, we got you two; we got love. Not all of my stories have a happy ending, nor will yours. I never achieved the full basketball dream, but man, did I take it as far as I could. My career has had some twists and turns I did not see coming, but it has been so fulfilling. Personally, I still have room to grow in certain areas, but I’m comfortable with my actions because of the things and people I love. It may be a stupid notion to some, who chase other things, but to your dear old dad, it is the compass that points north for me.
So I’m back because I missed writing weekly. I’m going to be compassionate with myself about taking the time off. I’m back out of love for you and your mom. When I’m gone, you two will have the words I wrote to return. That fact brings me a sense of peace. It’s also for the people who have benefited from my stories and my advice. Lastly, and honestly, I have missed it. I love writing, even if I’m only mediocre at it. And I won’t regret giving myself some compassion for being just an okay writer who offers up his view of the world once a week. It’s done out of love and compassion.
Love,
Your, forever trying to become more compassionate and to continue chasing love, father.
Past Letters to my girls
The Journey to Becoming A Dad